Why does this have to be so stinking hard!!!
I have been trying to keep busy and not think of my feelings on Monday when I dropped my oldest son off at the airport. Things went so fast-I didn't have time to really break down. The typical craziness of our family life, the car breaking down, trying to figure out how I was going to get the daily tasks done...all consumed my head.
So, it has been the last couple of days that I have begged God for an answer of why this has to be so hard? I know my son is happy...I have never seen him so content with a decision. (He hates to make decisions!!!).
I keep hearing in my head something a holy priest said (he thinks I hate him for this homely-although it has been a constant use of my morning meditations and holy hours) said, "LOVE BURNS!!! It explodes, it expands, it grows..." This is why grace comes from suffering!!! This is why I feel closer now to my son than I ever have before. This is why people, who would never understand a vocation at this age...after seeing him, finally understand, accept, and realize this isn't as crazy as it sounds.
But, my mother's heart is on fire with...love/sorrow. Our Lady of Sorrows has been one of my patrons for years...now I know why!!!
Then God sent me many consolations of people and friends who have suffered way more than me...my neighbor's son who left for war, thoughts of mothers throughout the ages whose children have been taken from them...through sickness, death, war, and other tragedies. Not to mention the hundreds of saint stories I have read to my children over the years of the young boys and girls who have given their lives for Christ. I also remember the look on the mother's face in the movie The Chronicles of Narnia when she left her children at the train station...for their good.
I know he is preparing for his future vocation. Whatever vocation that may be…just giving God his best…I can try to do the same. I can finally act on all those many years of offering my children to the Heavenly Father to HIS service…I can walk the walk.
So consolation as it may be…my prayers for him and all my children has been…Thy will be done Lord!!! This is such a small act of suffering on my part. Seeing the formation and blessings my son and our family has received from this small yes…so I continue to pray…Thy will be done…and continue to cry, like any mom would do.
We give you thanks for all your gifts, almighty God, living and reigning now and forever...
Thy will be done!!!+JMJ+