Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Keeping my head in the game

Thanks for the prayers everyone...I can feel them!

Here is a mental recap of what has been going on:

When I look back at our year I can't help but think God is using this for a greater good. After trying to get pregnant for about 2 years I came to the realization that I was moving to a different stage in my life. It was  super hard  to accept that I just might not have another baby...so I prayed and tried to move on. I started making appointments that women do when you start to go through menopause...getting my veins fixed, mammogram, and other doctor visits. It was then that a sonographer informed me that I was 6 and 1/2 weeks pregnant!!! Wow, what a treat...but there were some concerns with my progesterone and other things...so we prayed...I found out that "HOPE" didn't have a heart beat right before Thanksgiving. So January I got back to exercising and eating right. Then we got a surprise phone call in April asking if we would take a 2 1/2 month old baby for about six months to help out a mom in need. So we did, what a miracle to our family; and then we decided that this was a new ministry to help out moms and maybe this what God was calling us to. Well...a couple of weeks went by and I found out I was pregnant with Steven...this time my blood work looked great, my progesterone was wonderful, the sonograms were perfect...and then my water broke out of no where...after 2 weeks of bedrest Steven died around 20 weeks. So now I am not just mourning Steven, but my fertility.

I have had a good laugh lately...when I was young and first dating my husband...every song I heard on the radio reminded me of him...fast, slow, country, rock, classical...you name it...they brought me to thoughts of him...

Lately, every song I hear reminds me of what I am going through and how much I miss Steven. Today I had a better work out and this song reminded me how important it is that I stay in the game!




MERCYME LYRICS

"Move"

I'm not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days
I won't stop, I'll keep my head up
No, I'm not here to stay
There's gonna be brighter days
There's gonna be brighter days mm m

I just might bend but I won't break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus:]
When life won't play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I can't seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I won't let it drag me down
Oh, I'll keep dancing anyway

I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move (move)
I'm gonna move

I've got to hold it steady
Keep my head in the game
Everything is about to change
Everything is about to change

This hurt is getting heavy
But I'm not about to cave
Everything's about to change
There's gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but won't break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus]

No matter what may come
Gotta move to a different drum
No matter what life brings
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat [x2]

I just might bend but won't break
As long as I can see your face

[Chorus x2]

No matter what may come
Gotta move to a different drum
No matter what life brings
Gotta move gotta move to a different beat

***Note to young moms...
embrace your fertility...have lots of babies!!! 
I know it seems hard and like you can barely get through the day...
let God be in control of your fruitfulness
and if your husband is willing...
keep having babies...it is such a gift!!!  
Take it from an old 44 year old momma!

THY WILL BE DONE!!! +JMJ+|

6 comments:

Pat said...

So glad to read this blog. Since Steven's death the word God keeps bringing to my mind is contentment. You are blessed w/12 wonderful children who will have an impact on our world. In this new season of your life focus on the positive of the children you have instead of the ones I know you wish you were having. As Paul wrote, 'I have learned to be content in all circumstances' I know God has a lot more for you to do in this stage of yours & Rob's life. Taking in Raven is just the beginning! I know I get bummed that I'm not able to see my granddaughter as much as I'd like, but then I realize I have 20 'surrogate grandchildren' here in Bowie that I spend great time with!

Therese said...

Praying for you! Such excellent advice to young women. I have always had fertility issues, so my 4 babes (and 3 in Heaven) are all such blessings to me!

Kathy said...

Just wanted to second your advice to young mothers to let God control their fertility.

Some of my husband's friends, possibly with good intentions, said to me that the years from 5-7 are the toughest ones in a marriage and if you can get through those, you'll be fine. Our rough patch was longer, but I wish I had let God have the control because after we were through that time, I came to realize (and rather recently at that) that I would have loved to have had twelve kids with my wonderful husband.

So let God control your fertility and never look back. You will gain so much more peace and joy than anything material could bring.

Katie said...

Love that song! Will talk to you soon. Praying for you and have somethings to share!

Jeff and Emily said...

Greetings from Colorado! My Aunt Cheryl (Shoots) introduced me to your blog. I've read some previous entries and wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your loss. Thank you for sharing your family and faith it is always uplifting to see other Moms out there as encouragers. Thank you for the advice and I look forward to continue reading your blog. Emily

Mom2Seven said...

You continue to be in my prayers. I understand very well trying to accept the next season of life as a woman. We have seven beautiful, healthy children. We also have six little souls in Heaven. I longed to have a dozen or so kids... but, I've had to accept that our seventh is most likely our last. I feel a little guilty saying that when I know so many women struggle with infertility, but there is a longing that pulls at my heartstrings... Peace and prayers, Annita +JMJ+